Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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