I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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