i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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