Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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