OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
