I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
