Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
These tits shall not be calmed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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