my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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