I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
