I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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