i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
