JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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