Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
