I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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