Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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