Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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