I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize