What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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