Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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