You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
