love makes seman taste better
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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