Sry I called you an 8
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
