Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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