also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
