Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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