I wish I could teleport
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
