I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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