I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
