soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
