it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
