ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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