i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
