I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
