only if we run a train.
done.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
