I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
