Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
