Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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