i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
