i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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