He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
