She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
