I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
