I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
