I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My vagina is officially offended.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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