trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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