Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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