I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
