on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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