Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
