girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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