Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
