She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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