This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
