you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize