If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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