What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
