We're like a lot better than the average bears
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
