I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
