Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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