i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
