But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
