I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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