As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
