You really coming over, don't trick.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
