hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize