Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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