dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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