I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
