Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
