drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize