My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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