It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize