I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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