Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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