JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
