i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
