Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
