Acid is not a monday night drug
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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