You're a womanizer and a bitch.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
