just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
