She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think your dad took our porno
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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