..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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